Marshmallows For Breakfast

So Becky has been pestering (tee hee hee) me to fricking sign up for the 'A New Earth: Awakening to your Life's Purpose' classes online and to get the book. I finally watched the first episode of the online classes last night, and as soon as I got home, I downloaded I-Tunes and all eight podcasts of the show so far...

Now here's the really dorky thing that I did. I fell in love with I-tunes. I mean, real true absolute love with this application. I-Tunes is my new Girlfriend (or Boyfriend, if you like!)

I had never played with podcasts, or anything before! I spent this whole day downloading and setting up playlists of my music that I had ripped from my disks that I own. I wish that I had an I-pod now! I'm so getting one for my birthday! (I hope!) :-)

I know that everyone and their grandmother have already used these AMAZING applications before, but I am a true loser! Thank you soooo much Steve Jobs! You are my bestest friend!!!

"How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh?

Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there?

Gotta, gotta nice litte story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh?

Gotta, gotta compelling protaganist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there?

Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? (voice getting higher pitched) Yea, talking about that 3 years ago.

Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end?

Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah?

(voice returns to normal) No, no, you deserve some time off."

Is that a good enough explanation of my absence to the blogosphere? Or do you all meed more information? I could give all of the lame arse details, but I think Stewie summed it up nicely for me there! :-)

FILL IT OUT! Learn 50 things
about your friends, and let them learn 50 things
about you!

1) Do you like blue cheese? Nope.

2) Have you ever smoked heroin? Nope

I'm sitting here at 2:30 in the morning, Drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper (wishing I had some Amaretto for it) and listening to a man snore, and I'm thinking "How did I get here?".

I mean, I know how I got here... I live here. What I mean is, six months ago I was wondering how I was going to remember to brush my teeth, how I was going to remember to smile, how I was going to remember how to live... My heart ached with each thought, each breath, each motion.

Now, I am starting again, VERY HESITANTLY, I must say, but I am wondering and questioning each move I make to the extent that I am not sure why I am doing this again. It's not that he's a bad guy, or that he deserves to be raked over the coals, but there is this GIANT pink elephant in the room and no one is even noticing it.

I am so scared of making the same mistakes again that I was pushing him away before anything even started. That was beyond unfair to him, I know... But I am so terrified of hurting him. I was talking to a friend about this and she told me that I have to give him a chance. I mean, I want to and I am, but I am so scared. I'm scared of him hurting me, but more of me being super defensive and ruining what I have (or could have) with him.

I don't remember being scared when I started my other relationships. I was excited and happy. It feels like, I let myself forget about everything that happened in 2007 and I get feeling really good, and then something snaps me back and I put up a wall again.

I hope that My heart continues to heal so that I can really love again...

Tonight, He asked me what my dreams are. I replied with "I don't have dreams anymore, they are all nightmares." So he asked again, "No, Really. What are your dreams? What do you want more than anything?" I said, "Why?"

He said, "Because I want to make them come true."

And I am pushing this away?!?!?

In my room, on MY computer!!! Shit son, I'm back!

I am looking at a long night, as I change the date and upload all of my pre-typed entries... (ask my old roommate, Kim, I sat up for two nights in November and typed crap until February, because I had no Idea when I would get internet again...

Living on your own sucks Balls! I have bills and I have rent due and Car payments and EVERYTHING!!! Being a grown-up sucks :-)

But, right now, I wouldn't change it for the world.

(and there is a boy too...) (It's way too soon to say anything, but he's nice and he's employed and he's bar age :-) That's enough for now. I missed posting, and I'm super excited to be back, Y'all!

Sherry P. - I knew you as a person I went to school with, but one fateful day, whenI needed someone the most, You were there as a friend.

I went to a youth group, at a church that was not my own, and I had a "moment" where I felt so vulnerable and exposed that I thought everyone could see right through to my very core. I was upset and confused and you were there, honestly a stranger, showing me such love and compassion that I still don't know how to repay you.

I'm not sure why you did what you did that night, but you started something really good. I hope that you know what you mean to me.

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Derek B. - My Hottie Cousin!!!! If you only knew how hot and bothered you made my 14 year-old friends (When you and I were 14 as well... ) Had you ever come to visit me in Saskatchewan, you would have been the man!

Now, you are still super cool Mr. Rock Guy. In a band, in BC being really cool... you are one of my favorite people, and I wish that we could talk more. I miss you.

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Kim K. - I knew about the abortion. I knew and I still cared about you. You thought I would judge, if I knew the truth. I support you no matter what!

I just wish you had told him. But then again, I know how hard it is to have a secret. He would have freaked, and that was something that you didn't need. I hope that you are ok. It's not easy and I know that you were scared. YOU WERE NEVER ALONE! You still aren't. I'm here. And you know that you can call me whenever you need to. Call any time, day or night. I'll accept the charges if you do.

To quote one of your Guilty Pleasures, High School Musical : "We're all in this together, and it shows, when we stand, hand in hand, make our dreams come true!"

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